You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. You have the right to make decisions that are in your best interest—to decide not to be around alcoholic behavior and to walk away from fights and arguments. And to decide to no longer participate in the insanity of others. Have you found the courage to make those kinds of decisions?
Just a Closer Walk with Thee
If you step in and try to solve problems for others you rob them of the dignity of being able to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Are you learning to "let go and let God? Courage to change is not something that comes naturally to those who grew up in alcoholic homes.
In order for all that to change, you have to seek courage from an outside source. Are you able to deal with major crises but find yourself driven crazy by the small, everyday ones? Have you learned that it isn't your job to convince that person they are in denial, turning that over to a power greater than yourself? Learning how to detach can be difficult.
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When the alcoholic gets into a crisis, do you want to rush in and save the day? This can be the exact opposite of what you should do to get that person point of reaching out for help. Some of the things that you do to try to help the alcoholic are the very things that are enabling her to continue in her dysfunctional behavior. Are your expectations not reasonable at all when you are dealing with an alcoholic?
Emptiness is that loneliness that comes with living with and trying to love someone who was just not "there. Have you tried to fill that void with less than healthy things? You may have come to Al-Anon thinking the alcoholic was the only one who was exhibiting insane behavior. But when you focus on yourself, you may realize that some of your behavior and thinking are also off-kilter. That's why they call alcoholism a family disease.
Are you afraid or even terrified of being alone or abandoned? One of the 12 Traditions of Al-Anon states that we have no opinion on outside issues. Someone else's drinking or behavior is an outside issue.
Al-Anon Meeting Topics for Beginners
How do you keep the focus on your spiritual journey of recovery and not on anyone else's behavior? It seems to be one of those "spiritual truths" that before you can be forgiven, you must first forgive. That seems to be the way God always does it, puts the ball in your court and waits for you to make the first move.
God does not require you to "feel" like forgiving, only that you forgive. Do you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself? It is amazing how that really works to chase away the gloom. Do you work on your Al-Anon program every day? Do you see how that keeps you making progress, or at least prevents the worst backward slides? Do you have difficulty with the honesty part of the program?
After years of covering up and keeping secrets, it can be hard to be open and honest. It may sound like a trite saying, but there is a lot of wisdom in the suggestion to keep it simple. Are you practicing the principle of letting go and letting God in relation to living with an alcoholic, but also in dealing with many other things?
Learning it is okay to live your life without it revolving around an alcoholic can be new territory. How can you learn to live and let live? When you start looking after yourself first and addressing your problems, you aren't contributing as much to the chaos and confusion. The alcoholic can stop reacting to your efforts to control them. You won't be stopping them from drinking, but your situation and attitude will be changed.
See a Problem?
The shame and the embarrassment caused by their behavior doesn't belong to you, it belongs to them. If they decide to make choices that are "bad" for them, it is not a reflection on how good a parent, or friend, or spouse, or sponsor you are. They have the right to make their own mistakes and, hopefully, learn from them. You can only do my part right, share your experience, strength, and hope when it's appropriate to do so.
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The slogan "one day at a time" sounds like another one of those trite sayings that are overused, but there really is a lot of wisdom in reminding yourself to not live in the past or project the future, but deal with the here and now. You may have come to Al-Anon never once thinking you were powerless, that there was something you could do to cause the alcoholic to wake up and finally admit there was a problem.
Step 1 is admitting you are powerless over alcohol.
Do you have difficulty handling rejection in any form? Do you have to find a way to fix any disagreement? Book is in Used-Good condition. Pages and cover are clean and intact. Used items may not include supplementary materials such as CDs or access codes. May show signs of minor shelf wear and contain limited notes and highlighting. Seller Inventory Condition: UsedAcceptable. Ships with Tracking Number! May not contain Access Codes or Supplements.
May be ex-library. Buy with confidence, excellent customer service!. Don Umphrey. Publisher: Quarry Press TX , This specific ISBN edition is currently not available. View all copies of this ISBN edition:. Synopsis About this title Now in its third edition, this book demonstrates how the 12 steps used by recovery groups are rooted firmly in the Bible.
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